This Person.
This Person:
I lost someone and so did you.
Sometimes life can be so cruel and so confusing. So pleasurable and so joyous.
Sometimes we see and experience life by some twisted worldview or some self-deluded and destructive habit that “band-aides” the present in order to “mask” our deniability of the haunting past that seems to be set on replay. Consciously avoiding triggers that are mined throughout our environment.
Yet, many of us have grown to believe that things come and things go. And many of us have been rattled with the notion that one day we are here and then the next, we are gone.
In 2019, I lost the only parent I ever had to cancer. I had hopes, I had dreams and I would fantasize of a day I was going to remove her from her current reality and retire her the way she deserved. This once formidable independent woman who had won many battles was finally coming to terms that she was about lose this war.
Like some unforeseen force that was hellbent on calling in its curse, the only woman who ever mattered to me was taken from me so prematurely. With a sense of disfranchisement overwhelming my mind and soul, the cold feeling of numbness and detachment from life, crippled me daily as I began to consider the gravity of my “new sense of reality”.
Like many before me, unable to truly and intrinsically empathize with their loss and pain, I begged God to euthanize my own pain and suffering by any means necessary. The sheer continuity of suffering daily was too unbearable. Trapped in this hell on earth, thoughts that this was going to be my “chronic illness” destroyed any and all hopes of a future worth living.
My once stoic disposition crumbled before my eyes with a quick slap to my face and side order of cynicism and pessimism that clearly never satisfied my palate. They say time heals, however, I beg to differ, at least, at that time, I thought so.
As I mentioned, life can be so cruel. It blesses and provides, only to take it all away from you at some later point in life.
You see, I subjected myself to all sorts of psychotherapeutic, psychological techniques and therapeutic platforms but to no avail. It seemed like the traditional path of healing was not going to work for me. I desperately wanted them to alleviate my mental and emotional prison and would of given anything to experience even a glimpse of peace.
Nor would I allow myself to be subjected to any type of pharmaceutical and poison my body with substances with potentially lethal side effects that treat just the symptoms but never cure the cause.
Like many, I became an “expert” at grieving and loss, thanks to google. Finding myself lost in a maze of more questions than answers I had concluded that self-inflicted was my daily self-reflection And my “one way” to rid myself of this real life divine comedy.
The year 2020-
In the metaphysical world, there is a concept known as “take the path least resistant” and, “the path” along with what seems like its partner in “time” came together to flip my once bitter attitude upside down through an uncanny set of circumstances and serendipity.
At this point, I had my feel of “traditional paths of healing”. Don’t get me wrong, they truly work for many but it just didn’t work for me. I was just “dealing” at this point. Living a life of lies and a false sense of security with my trusty notebook filled with all the bullshit affirmations that would make anybody throw up and enough self-helps books that would of gotten me tenure in the life coaching department.
This person I met....
I wasn’t looking for this person. This person was always there but never in my scope of consciousness. Though, I didn’t know this person’s background completely, little did I know that this person gained victory over her own experience of loss and grief. This person, always in my peripheral, was slowly becoming the center of my focus and gravity.
I can’t honestly say why this person was put in my path but all I know is that, in the 11th hour, there was my cure. A non-traditional ray of hope made it possible for my transition from my once morose outlook at life to one where the human variable to live and keep going was eventually renewed and restored by the purest of souls...this person.
Sometimes, all it takes is just one ticket to win the prize, to win the lottery and to win at life. And, this person was my Godsent ticket to emotional and psychological stability.
Nearly three years later, I can wholeheartedly tell you that my restoration and stability was made possible by this person. I will forever be indebted to God for allowing our paths to cross. Call it karma, fate, synchronicity, I don’t care at this point. All I know is that if there is a person for me, there is definitely one for you.
Your answers are truly out there. They already exists despite how bleak or dark your life may be temporarily. Like me, sometimes you just have to lose to win or let go and just let it be. Yes, I know that it’s easier said than done but nothing worth attaining ever came easy. Because, at times, when you stop trying to control things, or swim against the current and allow yourself to flow and float,"Your Person” will show up, too. Your person may be literal or metaphorical but it doesn’t matter to the extent that you get the answers you deserve and begin to project the life you desire most.
At times, the heuristic approach to finding hope and/ or a solution to all our emotional and psychological challenges can be profoundly frustrating but, you, like me, we all have that human desire to love, and to be loved.
I don’t know if I will ever see my parent again but this person who has been aligned in my life made it possible for me to look forward to a time when I will be reunited with her one day.
In closing I will end with this. I hope that my small contribution to this mental health awareness month makes a big impact on someone’s life. I hope my testimony provides many of you with the optimism and the prospect that you being born was not an accident. All things happen for a reason and you were put on this planet for a reason. The suffering you’re experiencing it’s just background noise. We simply have to learn to “turn the volume down” or “change the song” till you find one that reflects what you’re going to be and what you will be doing as soon as you “find that person”.
You’re loved always.
Come away closer-
There is no one way approach to finding what’s right for you.
Ask yourself, would you rather be happy or be right?
Tradition works but not for anyone.
Prayer works.
Faith and hope will always extend your mortality.
Suicide is a very permanent solution for a temporary problem.
You are far more loved and appreciated than you think you are.
Talking helps.
Holding things in is cancerous to the soul.
It’s ok to hurt.
It’s ok to vent.
It’s ok to be vulnerable.
It’s OK to feel ashamed.
It’s ok to be human.
Smile more. Even when you don’t want to.
You’re perfect just the way you are.
Never be afraid or ashamed to say you need help.
Water, the sun, laughter, a little exercise & a fairly healthy diet are fuel to the soul.
Sometimes life can be so cruel and so confusing. So pleasurable and so joyous.
Sometimes we see and experience life by some twisted worldview or some self-deluded and destructive habit that “band-aides” the present in order to “mask” our deniability of the haunting past that seems to be set on replay. Consciously avoiding triggers that are mined throughout our environment.
Yet, many of us have grown to believe that things come and things go. And many of us have been rattled with the notion that one day we are here and then the next, we are gone.
In 2019, I lost the only parent I ever had to cancer. I had hopes, I had dreams and I would fantasize of a day I was going to remove her from her current reality and retire her the way she deserved. This once formidable independent woman who had won many battles was finally coming to terms that she was about lose this war.
Like some unforeseen force that was hellbent on calling in its curse, the only woman who ever mattered to me was taken from me so prematurely. With a sense of disfranchisement overwhelming my mind and soul, the cold feeling of numbness and detachment from life, crippled me daily as I began to consider the gravity of my “new sense of reality”.
Like many before me, unable to truly and intrinsically empathize with their loss and pain, I begged God to euthanize my own pain and suffering by any means necessary. The sheer continuity of suffering daily was too unbearable. Trapped in this hell on earth, thoughts that this was going to be my “chronic illness” destroyed any and all hopes of a future worth living.
My once stoic disposition crumbled before my eyes with a quick slap to my face and side order of cynicism and pessimism that clearly never satisfied my palate. They say time heals, however, I beg to differ, at least, at that time, I thought so.
As I mentioned, life can be so cruel. It blesses and provides, only to take it all away from you at some later point in life.
You see, I subjected myself to all sorts of psychotherapeutic, psychological techniques and therapeutic platforms but to no avail. It seemed like the traditional path of healing was not going to work for me. I desperately wanted them to alleviate my mental and emotional prison and would of given anything to experience even a glimpse of peace.
Nor would I allow myself to be subjected to any type of pharmaceutical and poison my body with substances with potentially lethal side effects that treat just the symptoms but never cure the cause.
Like many, I became an “expert” at grieving and loss, thanks to google. Finding myself lost in a maze of more questions than answers I had concluded that self-inflicted was my daily self-reflection And my “one way” to rid myself of this real life divine comedy.
The year 2020-
In the metaphysical world, there is a concept known as “take the path least resistant” and, “the path” along with what seems like its partner in “time” came together to flip my once bitter attitude upside down through an uncanny set of circumstances and serendipity.
At this point, I had my feel of “traditional paths of healing”. Don’t get me wrong, they truly work for many but it just didn’t work for me. I was just “dealing” at this point. Living a life of lies and a false sense of security with my trusty notebook filled with all the bullshit affirmations that would make anybody throw up and enough self-helps books that would of gotten me tenure in the life coaching department.
This person I met....
I wasn’t looking for this person. This person was always there but never in my scope of consciousness. Though, I didn’t know this person’s background completely, little did I know that this person gained victory over her own experience of loss and grief. This person, always in my peripheral, was slowly becoming the center of my focus and gravity.
I can’t honestly say why this person was put in my path but all I know is that, in the 11th hour, there was my cure. A non-traditional ray of hope made it possible for my transition from my once morose outlook at life to one where the human variable to live and keep going was eventually renewed and restored by the purest of souls...this person.
Sometimes, all it takes is just one ticket to win the prize, to win the lottery and to win at life. And, this person was my Godsent ticket to emotional and psychological stability.
Nearly three years later, I can wholeheartedly tell you that my restoration and stability was made possible by this person. I will forever be indebted to God for allowing our paths to cross. Call it karma, fate, synchronicity, I don’t care at this point. All I know is that if there is a person for me, there is definitely one for you.
Your answers are truly out there. They already exists despite how bleak or dark your life may be temporarily. Like me, sometimes you just have to lose to win or let go and just let it be. Yes, I know that it’s easier said than done but nothing worth attaining ever came easy. Because, at times, when you stop trying to control things, or swim against the current and allow yourself to flow and float,"Your Person” will show up, too. Your person may be literal or metaphorical but it doesn’t matter to the extent that you get the answers you deserve and begin to project the life you desire most.
At times, the heuristic approach to finding hope and/ or a solution to all our emotional and psychological challenges can be profoundly frustrating but, you, like me, we all have that human desire to love, and to be loved.
I don’t know if I will ever see my parent again but this person who has been aligned in my life made it possible for me to look forward to a time when I will be reunited with her one day.
In closing I will end with this. I hope that my small contribution to this mental health awareness month makes a big impact on someone’s life. I hope my testimony provides many of you with the optimism and the prospect that you being born was not an accident. All things happen for a reason and you were put on this planet for a reason. The suffering you’re experiencing it’s just background noise. We simply have to learn to “turn the volume down” or “change the song” till you find one that reflects what you’re going to be and what you will be doing as soon as you “find that person”.
You’re loved always.
Come away closer-
There is no one way approach to finding what’s right for you.
Ask yourself, would you rather be happy or be right?
Tradition works but not for anyone.
Prayer works.
Faith and hope will always extend your mortality.
Suicide is a very permanent solution for a temporary problem.
You are far more loved and appreciated than you think you are.
Talking helps.
Holding things in is cancerous to the soul.
It’s ok to hurt.
It’s ok to vent.
It’s ok to be vulnerable.
It’s OK to feel ashamed.
It’s ok to be human.
Smile more. Even when you don’t want to.
You’re perfect just the way you are.
Never be afraid or ashamed to say you need help.
Water, the sun, laughter, a little exercise & a fairly healthy diet are fuel to the soul.
Submitted by VR.